The Relationship Chemistry Test (RCT) measures five broad dimensions of personality that are each essential for building a romantic relationship. It's not the case that a person must be “high” on each of the personality characteristics to be in a relationship. Instead, what is important is how your personality interacts with the personality of your romantic partner on each dimension. Or what is commonly called “chemistry.” Based on decades of empirical research in psychology, the RCT captures the five key ingredients that can determine whether or not two people have the “right” chemistry. The dimensions are:
Self-Confidence, or the degree to which a person feels comfortable with him or herself. People that are high in self-confidence tend to be assertive and competent in both their private and public relationships. People that are low in self-confidence tend to be reticent and somewhat anxious.
Family Orientation, or the degree to which a person supports and values the family. People that are family oriented tend to want or already have children, are very close to their immediate relatives, and prefer cooking at home to eating at a restaurant. People that are not family oriented tend to be individualistic, unconventional, and very much enjoy attending parties and social functions.
Self-Control, or the extent to which a person exerts control over various aspects of life. People that are high in self-control tend have strong emotional reactions to things and try to regulate those feelings by micromanaging and attending to specific details. People that are low in self-control are usually relaxed, even-tempered, and lenient.
Openness, or the extent to which a person is open to and dependent upon others. People that are high in openness tend to like a wide range of things (e.g., food, music, movies, etc.), in part because they are concerned with pleasing other people. In contrast, people low in openness are very independent and opinionated; they know what they like and aren't apt to change their opinion.
Easygoingness, or a person's work ethic and degree of mental flexibility. People that are high in easygoingness are very relaxed, broadminded, and unaffected by change. In contrast, people low in easygoingness tend be hardworking, firm, and sometimes inflexible.
DragontoothLAM Relationship Chemistry Test Results
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
As someone moderate in openness, you have an appreciation for art and nature, but are also down to earth and realistic. On the one hand, it’s likely that you are fond of music and art, and on the other hand, enjoy and appreciate things that have a clear point and some sort of practical utility. Additionally, you have a certain degree of awareness of your own emotions; that is, you tend to notice when you’re feeling a particular way and take those feelings into account when making decisions.
You tend to think in both abstract ways—in terms of metaphors—and logically. Therefore, in your work and free time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing, but are also able to keep your mind on the primary objective of the task at hand.
Your tendency to be both open-minded, yet realistic is generally quite advantageous. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easy for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. However, because you are also realistic-minded, you are able follow-rules quite easily. This combination makes it easy for you to excel in your work because you are able to “think outside the box” while still being able to keep your eyes on “the big picture.”
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With your strong degree of self-confidence, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you’re probably attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that is shares your level of self-control.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, you may become frustrated with people that are too unconventional or traditional. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share both your open-mindedness and realistic nature.
Interdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a "couple identity" with your partner.
You are moderately interdependent in a relationship. This means that you desire a good degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner. And you absolutely are drawn to someone whom you can respect and even emulate to some degree. In fact, it is quite common for a person in this score range to consider how your romantic partner would reflect on your family and friends. This all does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw strength, comfort and a strong sense of identity from their close relationships. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and you desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who likes frequent physical and emotional connection like you do, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals.
Some good questions to keep in mind are:
“Do you think couples can ever get to the point when they spend too much time together? – and if so, how do you know when that point is?”
“How much time away from a lover do you think you need in a given week? – and what kinds of things do you like to do for yourself during your free time?”
“What really makes a date or any time with a partner truly special for you?”
Intimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.
You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner – but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time. People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partner’s feelings will change. For this reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the relationship is taken to progressive levels.
Next, these are some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:
“What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? – and if you could do any of it over, what would you do?”
“How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting?”
“What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship?”
Food for Thought! You might want to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
I often worry that my partner does not really love me. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you have a low self-esteem and self-image, that you fear you will not live up to your partner’s expectations, that you are insecure or that you are looking for a reason to avoid intimacy. On the positive side, it could mean that you have a healthy concern for the quality of your relationship, that you keep track of your own needs and desires in a relationship or that you have monitor your relationship in realistic and not idealistic terms.
Issues you seem to Under-value
It would bother me if I got attached to people very easily. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you do not have a healthy degree of individuality and independence or that you have a limited understanding of your fears. On the positive side, it could mean that you are strongly committed to your partner, that you are not selfish and not self centered, that you are not superficial in your relationships or that you have realistic expectations.
Self-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.
People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.
Next, these are some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:
“Do people need to fish for compliments from you, or are you the kind of person who frequently gives spontaneous acknowledgements and praise to others?”
“What are the most important responsibilities in a friendship?”
“Do you think success in life is largely a matter of good organization or largely a matter of luck?”
Relationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.
In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.
Next, the RCT presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:
“Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?”
“What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner?”
“Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some personal business?”
Communication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.
Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Next, we present some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:
“Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”
“Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”
“Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”
Food for Thought! You might want to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
I pause for a moment to reflect on what a person has said before reacting or responding. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you try to avoid conflict or that you are not assertive or open with your thoughts and feelings. On the positive side, it could mean that you do not jump to conclusions, that you are not a “black-or-white” thinker, that you are not judgmental and that you give others the benefit of the doubt.
Issues you seem to Under-value
I am able to confront someone who has hurt my feelings. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you avoid conflict, that you have difficulty articulating your feelings or that you are around others with whom you do not feel safe and secure. On the positive side, it could mean that you are aware of how your behavior impacts others, that you have a good understanding of your strengths and weaknesses, that you like to give others the benefit of the doubt and try to focus on positives rather than negatives or that you can forgive easily.
Conflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills.
Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are strongest in the areas of Viewing Conflict as Positive (as learning opportunities); Clarifying Perceptions; Noting Needs; Drawing on Power of a Positive Partnership; and Developing Doables or stepping stones for actions. This all suggests that you are very action-oriented when addressing problems. Rather than avoid conflict, you seem to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome. Your definition of positive outcomes, however, may not always agree with your partner’s definition. For example, in eagerness to find what appears to be a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict rather than settling for a temporary agreement, you may focus on meeting your needs while unwittingly downplaying or minimizing whether your partner’s needs have been met as well. Furthermore, people in this scoring range do not consistently consider the Proper Atmosphere when addressing relationship problems. That is, you may neither consistently arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting nor choose your opening statement carefully to establish positive yet realistic expectations. Bottom line: you need someone who is calm, cool and collected and who is willing to address issues spontaneously and through intense, action-oriented debates and discussions.
Next, some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:
“Would you describe yourself as a rapid thinker? Explain”
“When you become frustrated at not being able to figure out the solution to a problem, does that make you work even harder to solve it? Explain”
“On a typical day, would you describe yourself as a person who likes frequent change? Explain”
Sexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.
Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
Food for Thought! We wants you to know about some idiosyncrasies the assessment identified in you. These are issues for you to contemplate on your own or explore with a professional relationship/dating coach.
Issues you seem to Over-value
I am shy about talking to my partner about my own sexual fantasies. Possible reasons you responded this way include negative motivations and positive motivations. On the negative side, it could mean that you are overly private and guarded, that you are self critical or that you fear your partner will be judgmental. On the positive side, it could mean that you are sensitive to the feelings of your partner, that you respect boundaries or that you are concerned with others’ comfort levels.
Attitudes toward love
Attitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.
There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic on the inside and a realist on the outside.” This means that you value very highly both the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love and the excitement and passion of Romantic Love. You desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you –sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. You are a clearly a hybrid, and someone who probably views love as a transcendent thing. That is, you regard true love as a precious and rare state that must be nurtured to grow and thrive. Most people in this scoring range believe that a passionate sex life is not the most important factor in a stable and satisfying relationship. Rather, a relationship must be nurtured with acceptance and complete connectedness with a partner – a couple building and possessively protecting their “own world.” Bottom line: You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.
Next, we present some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:
“If a partner professed that s/he would do almost anything for you, would you see that as healthy or unhealthy love?”
“When you are separated from a partner, does the rest of the world often seem dull and unsatisfying?”
“Do you think that a person must have great confidence in his/her partner’s judgment in order for the relationship to work?”
Preferred Expressions of Affection
Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.
There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.
Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Time spent together received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not mean that you neither like nor need time with a partner. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just spending time with you – such as talking at home, taking leisurely strolls outside or extended road trips.
Next, we present some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:
“Have you ever taken off work early to spend some special with your partner or a loved one?”
“Have past partners consistently complained that you would frequently call to say you were running late for a date?”
“How much alone time during the week do you need with a partner to feel satisfied?”
What you "really" want
According to relationship experts, what you seem to be looking for is a "CARETAKER." A caretaker is well-poised to meet the hidden or unspoken needs you might actually be trying to fill in a search for a relationship. A caretaker is...
Someone who doesn't make you feel like an underachiever, but rather who'll see you as an equal or collaborator, and as such will consult with you on major decisions and actions and allow you to focus on your own personal and professional goals.
Someone who feels no need to impress others and who prefers to focus on life's other matters.
Someone who is generally calm and content, but who can also show great spontaneity and go on the occasional adventure when circumstances permit.
Someone who cares about her appearance, health and fitness for you, but who isn't high maintenance.
Someone who'll garner approval from your friends and family but not cause unwanted jealousy issues.
Someone whose enthusiasm is infectious and keeps you motivated and feeling young and energetic.
Someone who'll give you some physical and emotional space so you can focus on your personal interests and goals.
Someone with the promise of offering a certain type of lifestyle.
To increase your odds of finding a CARETAKER, look or listen for these key words or themes when you search profiles or talk to romantic prospects: wellness-oriented, energetic, stimulating, balanced, spontaneous, aspiring, sensual, flirtatious, agreeable, accommodating, heady, attentive, supportive, grounded, collaborative and submissive.
As the test commented, I really am not worried about how you see these, but hope they help you know me better.